(npi=no pun intended).

Thursday is D-Day. Well, actually it’s C-Day for my third colonoscopy. That means one for every Ironman race I’ve completed. I think I may retire from the long-course scene ‘cuz I’m tired of these humiliating experiences (the race and the scope). It’s bad enough that a doctor is standing behind you with what seems like a 50 foot pole with an umbrella on the end, but opening the umbrella is worse. That crap (npi) they tell you when you have your first one “You won’t have to have another for 6 to 8 years” isn’t true for everyone. It seems like the hip hematoma, the a/c joint separation and the bike wreck of ’03 would have been enough bad luck. And it’s quite expensive when it’s my turn to bring the wine and candles.

Everyone who I have talked to who has had one (me included) says the preparation the night before is worse. Jean had the foresight to get scheduled to work from 4 to 8 tomorrow evening. My preparation starts at 5. By 8 I’ll have an imprint of a toilet seat on my butt that won’t go away for weeks. I would just as soon none of you stopped by at around 7 to see how things are going (npi). If you do please be warned not to blow out any of the scented candles. You’ll be sorry and I’ll be sorrier because I won’t be able to go outside for fresh air.

I’ve told some of you my ills regarding the pontoon boat. I exhausted all the things that the guy at the marina told me to look for, so today I took the next step. All the connections were clean and bright; the fuse was not blown in the engine; the battery was good and fully charged; and the remote was in the neutral position. It was windy and cold today, so I got on my waders, went out to the boat, and crawled on my hands and knees underneath to follow the wires. On my knees trying to shuffle through the weeds that had grown under the boat was bad, but the 10 jillion spiders and spider webs was worse.

As I had expected, some muskrats had build a sleeping bed of grass and mud right over the cables that go from the engine to the control box. I shook all the cables and looked at them as well as I could, and I didn’t see any breaks. I was a bit discouraged and was standing at the stern by the motor, when I saw the positive cable that goes from the battery to the motor, in the pan below the motor, submerged in a half inch or so of water. The spot where it touched the pan had some green crud on it and, bingo, a light went on. Green crud on wires means oxidized copper (anybody knows that from 8th grade science class) so I reached down and pulled the wire up. I ran my finger along the cable covering and it had worn through to the wire. That’s where the break is and, if I replace the wiring harness, it should work.

I went to the marina and picked up a set of cables (for a Mercury engine and I have a Honda) to the tune of $58.00 plus tax and will try to replace them tomorrow. I asked the guy if an idiot could change the wires and he said yes. We’ll see! I’m not very mechanical, but I should be able to disconnect the old black cable (negative) and hook up the new black cable and the same with the red cable (positive). If it baffles me I may cry for help from any of you who are more mechanically inclined than me. I’ll trade help for beer.

Which reminds me, I bottled the first batch of the Fat Tire Amber Ale Sunday and today I transferred the second batch to the secondary fermenter. I’ll cold condition it for a couple of weeks and bottle it around the end of the month. Mountain Bike Sam has some wine that’s about ready, Pike’s Peak Pat has some homemade wine too, and I’ll have way more beer than I’ll ever drink. I’ve talked with Jean and Sam and will talk with Pat about having a Trilanders wine and beer tasting get together around the holidays. The beer will be at its best around my birthday, so we’ll see what works for everybody.

Better go (npi).

Just (Not Looking Forward To The Next Two Days) Jack