Â I plan to fly home tomorrow (Thanksgiving Day) and will be there until Wednesday, November 30th. I planned to skip a week on the e-mails, but I couldn’t let this one pass (npi). This week I got an e-mail from Jon Anderson (as many of you did) with a title of “Try Colon Cleansing At Home!”. The e-mail goes on (npi) to say:
AÂ natural method for gently eliminating harmful wastes and toxins from your body. Did you know that the average person stores between 5 to 25 POUNDSÂ of waste accumulated over the years in their colon? Did you know that some health experts say that 90% of all sickness and diseases are related to an unclean colon?
Trilanders, I received this e-mail today and thought that this may be what many of us have been looking for! If I understand this right, we could naturally cleanse ourselves in the comfort of our own home and drop a quick 25 pounds!!!!
I consider Jon a good friend, but I have to admit that some of his ideas may not be the best for all of us. Just to point out my experiences:
Jon (Circa 1999) – “Let’s all do the Iceman. It’s a 25 mile mountain bike race from Kalkaska to Traverse City. It’s easy. You can do it!”
My result – 1999. At mile 6 I went down in a sand pit and lost the lens to my glasses costing me money to replace them and wear sunglasses the rest of the weekend, even at night. At mile 20 I had to stop for a few minutes due to severe muscle cramps in both quads and both hamstrings.
My result – 2000. At mile 20 I did an endo (mountain bike-speak for an end over end flip) resulting in a separated right shoulder earning me a trip to the ER.
Jon (Circa 2000) – “We’ve all done short triathlons. Let’s do a half ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run). It’s easy. You can do it!”
My result 2000. At mile 45 on the bike I had severe muscle cramps in both quads. On the run (it was a walk for me) I limped from mailbox to mailbox, stretching my quads so I could finish inÂ under 8Â hours.
Jon (Circa 2001) – “We’ve done a half ironman. Now let’s do a full ironman. It’s easy. You can do it!”
My result 2001 – 7 weeks before the race, on a 100 mile training ride to Saugatuck, I fell on the bike resulting in a flake fracture to my hip and a 3 day stint in the hospital to remove a large hematoma.
My result 2002 – At Ironman Florida I had muscle cramps in both quads at mile 56 on the bike. On the run (again, it was a walk) I ran 200 yards and walked 400 yards for the first 13.1 miles, and walked most of the second 13.1 miles ending in a time of 16 hours, 18 minutes and 1 second.
My result 2003 – IRONMAN WISCONSIN You know the gory details so I’ll spare you.
Admittedly the bad results are my own fault, but…I didn’t think of doing them on my own!
You may have forgotten about myÂ bout this last summerÂ with Ulcerative Colitis. First of all, I don’t believe there’s a “gentle way” of eliminating wastes and toxins from your body. The preparation for a colonoscopy is anything but (npi) gentle and has to rank in the top 5 bad experiences of my life. And second of all, just look at me. After all of that (and I must admit…my colon was squeaky clean) I didn’t “drop a quick 25 pounds”. And thirdly, if the procedure eliminates “…waste accumulated over the years in their colon”, I don’t want to be anywhere nearby when some of that “old stuff” sees the light of day.
I’m choosing to stay away from this one. Like the time Jon suggested taking a COLD shower after a hard workout to help the muscles recover, I’ll pretend that I’m doing it and, if asked, I’ll lie. I’d suggest many of you do the same.
Just (Not Falling For This One) Jack