Monthly Archives: February 2003


 If you are easily offended you should delete this e-mail now and not read any further. This is smut!! Not intentional smut-sociological smut-but smut nevertheless.

When most people meet me they think I am a conservative, laid back typical accountant, which I am. But as people get to know me they come to understand that I have been up and down the road a few times. So when I say that I have never experienced anything like this before, it’s saying something.

When I came out of the YMCA today I told Jean that I didn’t know whether I had just been hit on or not-hence the dilemma.

The YMCA is about 14 miles south of Hudson in a fairly new area on the way to Clearwater. The first time we went there to work out was at three in the afternoon. The other YMCAs we have been to in Florida have been mostly senior citizens-yes, older than us. This one was over run by high school kids. The next couple of times we tried to get there mid-morning. Each time it has been over run by young mothers. The stationary bike spinning class was all young women and was in one corner of the main room. There is a Pilates class going on in one of the workout rooms, again all young women, and a step aerobics class in the gym. Yes, you guessed it, all young women. Two or three personal trainers have group sessions with four or five young women in each group.

While lifting weights, Jean and I had to alter our routines because the groups would take over an area and stay for a while. They were sometimes lifting weights but always talking. After lifting, we both went to the outdoor pool and swam for an hour or so. After swimming we took showers. The shower stalls had no hooks or shelves to put a towel, goggles, shampoo and my glasses so I put them across the aisleway on a bench in the handicap shower. I finished showering and went over to the handicap shower stall to dry myself off. I looked down the aisleway and, at the end of the shower room, are hair dryers (like the hand dryers in bathrooms) mounted high on the walls. I saw a guy down there dressed, but holding something up to one of the dryers.

I’m not an exhibitionist but I’m not shy either so I was standing in the aisleway drying myself off as normal. I didn’t have my glasses on, but it seemed like the guy down at the hair dryers kept looking at me. When I was dry I wrapped the towel around myself, picked up my goggles and swimsuit and walked down past the guy to the door. He watched me all the way and was smiling at me. As I got closer to him I could see that he had a t-shirt on but no pants or underwear. He looked to be about sixty-five. As I passed by him, he said, and I quote “You know you have a nice healthy pecker there”. He went on to say “A lot of big guys have those short little stubby ones, but yours looks real good. It’s nice to see a good pecker on a man.” I was flabbergasted and didn’t know what to say so I timidly said “thank you”.

I went out the shower room door and he followed me. I went to the locker where my clothes were and his locker just happened to be right next to mine. His things were all spread out on the bench and he started talking to me as we both dressed. He told me he was from Long Island, but was retired and lived in New Port Richey. He worked at a grocery store part time as a bagger for some extra money.  I was shaking like a leaf and my towel slipped off twice (I hope it didn’t come off “subconsciously” on purpose) before I could get my clothes on and get out the door.

So here’s the dilemma – Was he hitting on me or was that the worst choice of a conversation starter in the history of the world?

On the one hand, if he was trying to pick me up he wouldn’t have referred to me as a “big guy”. That’s like telling a girl her extra weight looks great on her-not a good line. Plus, he really didn’t say anything off color after that and didn’t ask me for “a date”. He didn’t follow me out the door and I never heard from him again. So maybe after swimming and the resulting shrinkage, he was just giving me a compliment to be kind.

On the other hand he broke three of the most important locker room rules:

1) Don’t stare

2) If you are talking to a naked man, maintain eye contact at all times

3) Never verbalize what you see (if you do, making fun with comments like “Oh My God!!!” or “ha ha ha ha” may be acceptable. The line “you have a nice healthy pecker” is way off limits)

So what do you think?


Triathlon Testing

 Here we are in sunny Florida. It’s 50 degrees and the rain is coming down sideways. We waited to start our Sunday run after it let up but it never did so we went anyway. The wind and rain made it a miserable run. We weren’t as uncomfortable as zero degrees and 6 inches of snow in Michigan but all the streets here flood (it’s so flat there’s nowhere for the rain to go). I lagged a block or two behind Jean as I felt a nature call at 4 miles. I knew if I went back to the condo I wouldn’t go back out so I waited for a bathroom at mile 8 (city streets with no vegetation to hide behind). It’s hard to run with your legs crossed.

We went to Clermont Thursday for our triathlon testing. It felt like college all over again as we spent the night before the big test at a beach bar with brother Bob, Jean’s son Robert and one of his friends. We intended to have an oxygen uptake test, lactate threshold test, swim stroke force analysis, bike fit and muscle limiter analysis. When we got there (it’s about an hour and a half away, so we left 2 hrs 15 minutes before we were supposed to be there–sound like me doesn’t it?) we had to fill out some paperwork. Chuck Wolf (the director) talked us out of the VO2 max test because, unless we are elite athletes, the number doesn’t mean much. Also the swim force analysis couldn’t be done because the tech’s father had passed away.

We both got the lactate threshold test. You run on a treadmill and every 2:30 they take a blood sample, record heart rate, ask your perceived exertion (6-20 scale) and increase the speed. As soon as your blood level of lactic acid increases over the previous reading by more than 1.0 you have reached your lactate threshold. When the girl said she may have to prick our fingers up to ten times I was reminded of the junior high joke where the patient is running out of his room followed by a nurse carrying a pan of boiling water followed by the doctor saying “No nurse Ratchett, I told you to prick his boil”, but I digress. My lactate threshold is 168 and shows a fairly classic pattern. Jean’s is 175 and also shows a normal pattern. They felt my cramping was a training issue as I do mostly endurance training and little or no lactate threshold training (20-60 minutes at 163-173) and never any VO2 max intervals (30 sec to 5 minutes at 180 with equal rest intervals).

After that we had muscle analysis and found out what we already knew; that our muscles (especially hips) are tight and they gave us both stretching exercises to do. Although the swim force analysis couldn’t be done, we spent some time with the swim coach for the USA Triathlon National Training Center. He had some good tips and drills for both of us. He had me bilateral breathing (for you non-swimmers “going both ways” is not a bad thing) in a short time. I only swallowed 4 gallons of pool water and they didn’t charge extra for that.

The bike fit was done by a young guy named Adam Baskin. He was about 5’6″ and weighed 135 (I asked). He is a Cat 1 road racer on one of the three Ford teams. He had been out riding with Shiela Taormina and had to cut it short to do the bike fit. It was 75 and sunny and we were inside all day. He moved our cleats (Village Bike had put them on backwards), moved both of our seats back and lowered our seats to compensate. Jean’s chain is stretched (I wonder how that happened) she needs a new chain, new cassette, new front rings and narrower handlebars. If any of you have Natasha’s e-mail Jean would like to see if she wanted to sell her used Cheetah. Adam asked me if my left butt cheek (he said glute) was tight because my right knee kicked out a little. That was the same thing Chuck had said during the muscle analysis so it definitely has some effect both biking and running. I’m looking for volunteers for massage therapy, preferably female but not too young as my heart couldn’t take it.

All in all the day was exhausting but well worth it (we started at 8:30 AM and walked out of the building at 2:45 with no lunch break). We’ll talk more about it when we get back. Sounds like Diane heard the same things.

We plan to be back Sat but the weather is supposed to be getting better so may delay until Monday.

Jack & Jean