A Golfer I’m Not

I put off playing golf long enough, so Friday noon I met the “boys” at the first tee. One guy puts all the players’ balls in a hat, tosses them in the air, and the teams are decided based on where the balls end up. Five of the balls stayed near the center and five of the balls scattered out, so it was the insies versus the outsies. I was one of the insies, so I apologized to them before we started predicting I would be more of a hindrance than a help to my team, and I was right. Now I know why I quit playing golf for a few years.

We played a $2 Nassau, so the most our team could lose was $6 and we did. I would have a couple of decent shots followed by a really crappy one that would get me in trouble and cost me strokes. I did help the team from time to time, but not as much as I should have. My golf glove was several years old and a total rag, so the time we played 9 holes earlier this year, I threw it away thinking I would get another one before I played again. As we were ready to tee off, I realized I hadn’t bought a new one and, by then, it was too late. I played without a glove (I never do that) on a day that it got to around 90 degrees. On at least three shots, my hands were sweaty enough that the club slipped when I swung and I went from a nice tee shot in the center of the fairway to a second shot “shank” into the pucker brush. I decided to give the guys a break yesterday and today and not show up. I’ll play a couple of times by myself and practice my short game so I don’t embarrass myself as much before I subject them to being dragged down by me.

Of course I have a crappy golf day and get home just in time to watch Tiger Woods hit that ball 300 plus yards dead center in the fairway. In my prime, I used to be an average hitter. Not the longest drive but not the shortest either. Now if I really connect I can hit the ball 190 yards. I used to hit a 7 iron from 150 yards. Now I hit a 4 or 5 iron and I don’t always get there. Tiger hits his 7 iron 195 yards. It’s just not fair. I’ve always said I’m a mediocre everything. Mediocre swimmer; mediocre biker; mediocre runner; mediocre triathlete. Now I’m not even a mediocre golfer. I’m a true hacker. Maybe if I play more than once every three years I’ll get better??

I’m still off the bike for a while, so my training has gone into the pits. I signed up early for two Half Ironman races this season. On one, I can pay fifty dollars to roll it forward to next year. On the other one I can get a medical rollover to next year if my doctor signs a medical statement. I guess that’s my best bet and I don’t think I’ll sign up for Ironman Lake Placid. I’ll sit on the sidelines until I can get this hip problem cured.

Today is Father’s Day and Jean’s and my 18th Anniversary. We’ll celebrate both by going out to the cottage and pulling weeds out of the lake. Happy Father’s Day to you fathers out there. Some of our fathers are gone, but definitely not forgotten.

Just (Falling Apart And Still Happy To Be Alive) Jack

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